…Into a Brighter Tomorrow

On Monday, I made two trips to the hospital. One to bring my husband his clothing, and the next trip, to bring my husband home. Less than 12 hours after being involuntarily committed by the emergency room doctor and his psychiatrist, he was released.

On my journey to the hospital the first time, I felt so connected and clear. Given the circumstances, it seemed a little odd to me, but I didn’t analyze why I wasn’t upset. Instead I spent the 2 hour round trip, focusing on my husband in the way I remembered him being and how I know he will be again in the future. I had hope that better, happier times are just around the bend. I imagined the magnificent things the future has in store for us. And I believed, with all my being, that everything would be okay.

The circumstances lined up magnificently and he was released. He really shouldn’t have been at the hospital he ended up at and thankfully, there was an angel of a social worker that went to bat for him in a very strong fashion. Yes, he did take more of his meds than he should have, but he didn’t do it to die, but rather to escape. He knew that the dose wasn’t lethal. He is doing the best he can to get to a better feeling place. We are working on it and we will get there, together, in time.

We will be looking at more ways to help him now that he is home. I know we will find the perfect combination of everything to help him to the place of joy and happiness that is his right and, I believe, his desire.

Had I to do it over again, I would have never taken him. It *felt* so totally wrong. I let fear take over and allowed it to separate me from my internal guidance.

Having said that, there were some things that came out of this experience that were positive.

His experience in that hospital was VERY harsh and did give him a point of reference as to what could happen if this type of thing were to happen again. Now, he definitely knows what he DOES NOT want so he more focused on what he does want. That is a very good thing.

I appreciate the fact that I got to see him as I remembered him for a short while. The meds help him make it through the day, but also take away a lot of how he normally is due to the med haze. I miss him. They took him off his meds for the time in the hospital. Even though it was short, I got to see glimpses of how he used to be and gave me hope that he is still there as I remember him.

I got to see him appreciating things around him. It has been a long time since I have see him that way. I touched his hand as I saw and heard him appreciating the setting sun and could see the emotion in his eyes. I hope I get to see more of that soon.