Archive for the 'Life' Category

I’ve come to see things a bit different as of late. My EFT therapist said that I should be thankful for all the things that are coming up emotionally for me.

The people are showing me where I need to work on myself. If I didn’t have the vibration active in my being already, other people would not be able to “make me feel” a certain way.

A “step back” evaluation of my current emotional setpoint has me seeing that there are other things at play beyond the situation with my husband. My mom is very much back in the picture right now. She has a very dramatic situaiton going on and my husband and I are working with her to get her house sold and helping her move down here near where we are.

And I am voluntarily doing this. On the good days, I am totally okay with this. On the not so good days, it totally throws me for a loop. I have seen myself become an active participant in the drama, like times gone by. Those well worn ruts are still there and I jumped my track right back into them.

A strong current, at play in me, is in regards to people not listening to me and doing things for themselves that will help them to a better place. Things that they have said would help, and not just me being bossily telling them what to do. The frustration builds up in me because they know what they need to be doing but aren’t doing it and are complaining about it and I am right in there with them trying to fix the situation in order to make my experience better.

DOH!! Major lightbulb moment for me in regards to that revelation.

The frustration builds up in me because they know what they need to be doing but aren’t doing it and are complaining about it.

Let me rephrase that.

The frustration builds up in me because I know what I need to be doing but am not doing it and am complaining about it.

I can see that is a pretty valid comment on my part. I am making the conscious effort to get out of my husband’s and mom’s boats (That “one leg in each boat” thing is pretty harrowing! LOL) and decided to get back in my own boat.

I need to put my wants and needs back into my own hands. No one is responsible for my happiness and well-being but me. I have cut back on my work hours massively (gotta love terrific employees!) and now am able to do things for myself when I want to. For a short while there, I was thinking that I had to run out and find other people to interact with or new circumstances to interact with in order to make me feel better / happier / more content with my life.

I realize that isn’t so. In doing that, I am actually running from the only situation that really matters and will make an immediate difference in my experience. My relationship with myself. So right now, I am focusing on me and feeling better right now. Being present in the NOW and not rehashing how it has been in the past or prophesizing potential future outcomes. Right now, in this moment, I can see things as they are, perfect. This moment, this second, is exactly how it should be. It’s all good and I know, without an ounce of doubt, that it will all work out okay in the end.

I was surfing around on my blog reads and saw the quote on Simply Blessed and thought it was very appropriate for me to remember! It helps to redirect the thoughts that aren’t focused on what I want and gives me a break at the same time

We don’t want you to ask for the security that comes from physical promises from physical humans.

We want your security to come to you from your knowing. We want your awareness of security to be that you know the laws of the universe work, you know how to focus, you know that this positive focus that you offer will always bring you good things.

Don’t try to see so far down the road. Just see what is, and look for the good things, don’t demand that promises be made that give you security.

This is the thing that makes the difference between someone who can stand where they are, in an attitude of belief and trust, some call it faith, but some don’t like the word faith, because faith feels like be happy even though you have no evidence of being happy.

We want you to acknowledge to yourself that you have much evidence that supports the power of positive thought.

So just chill out.

Don’t try to figure it all out at once. The mantra we want you to offer over the next few days is:

“I’ll figure it out as I go”…
“Look how well I’m doing”…
“The Universe adores me”…
“The Universe is yielding to me”…
“There is not a reason for me to worry”…
“When I worry it’s patterns of old thought
that has nothing to do with my current reality.”

You’re doing extremely well!

~Abraham-Hicks
San Diego 1-12-2008

Okay. Something is really up, but I am not exactly sure where it is coming from. Honestly, I think I am doing really well most of the time. Until, that is, something crops up and pops me on the head, out of the blue… or out of the oblivious as Abraham is fond of saying.

I think my husband’s illness is wearing me down. I want to be okay with it all, and feel that I am, most of the time. But when I am not okay with it, boy, am I NOT okay with it all. I currently have a strong stress undercurrent going on about it all. It’s kind of funny and kind of annoying in an “I did that” sort of way. Right now the stress is manifesting in facial twitching - not anything that anyone would really notice but me. The more stressed I get, the more I twitch. Fun.

My husband and I can, and do, discuss all this. The communication is there and it is always a case of both of us being heard and understood. It’s a loving, understanding conversation, but, unfortunately, at this point, there is only so much that he can do to sort things out. He’s trying to get to where he wants to be and his lack of getting there is not due to unwillingness or lack of effort.

I am at a point where I realize that where I am is not where I want to be. I know that my happiness is up to me no matter what the circumstances are. I’m not able to get there right now and it bothers me. I felt the fool yesterday when I was driving home and started crying when “I Can See Clearly” by Jimmy Nash started playing on the radio.

I have been tapping on all the issues on a regular basis, but the fact stands that he is unable to be there for me emotionally or physically. I am tired of tapping on the same issues over and over again. For some reason, my stress over it all keeps coming back. I just want to be okay with it all. I want to be happy no matter what is going on around me. It’s my choice to stay or go and I have chosen to stay. I am just muddling my way to seeing the situation clearly. I am so ready for my blue skies and rainbows, but keep seeing the obstacles instead.

I’ll get there….. eventually. The solution will come, I know. Sigh….

I came across this video from a post on SpiritualBlog.com. This series of videos from Jordan Savage, an EFT expert, are very nicely done and I really enjoyed watching them. I am going to share the full series on my blog for your viewing pleasure.

In this video, Jordan is telling about the basics of EFT and how she came to study EFT.

The video starts playing immediately upon loading the post.

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The Concept of Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)

Life as been whirlwind around here, as usual, with activities involving kids, work, & family stuff.

I have had many challenging things occur in the past couple of months, which without the help of EFT, my saving grace, would have had me incapacitated emotionally.

The story that I have always told about my childhood is one of immense struggle and lack of love from my mother. I have, over many years, managed to transmute the feelings and thoughts about that situation. At least I thought I had effectively dealt with all of that, until I received a message, from my sister in law, saying that they all would be moving into my peaceful sanctuary of North Carolina. They included my brother, sister in law, neice AND my mother!

Okay, so perhaps I didn’t have this mother thing under control. The information threw me into a tailspin that took me a while to get out of. I started to have health issues, that, thankfully, resolved themselves.

With the help of a therapist, I tapped on many issues that popped up that I didn’t realize still existed for me.

“Even though I don’t feel like I have any control over this situation…”

“Even though I am afraid that I might fall back into old dramatic patterns when mom moves down here….”

“Even though I am angry that they will be encroaching on space….”

“Even though I am worried that I really haven’t made the changes that I thought I had…”

Basically it all came down to inability to control the situation and doubt about what I really did know. Hmmm… sounds familiar. I wasn’t able to control or even affect any change in my situation while growing up either.

After a couple of sessions, I am finally at peace with the whole situation. Circumstances have changed a bit and the only person coming down here is my mom. We are actually helping her find her way here as well. Instead fighting against what may come of this, I have decided that I will embrace it and allow the NOW to rule instead of the past pain.

The other challenging situation that I am still dealing with is my husband’s illness. It cycles from okay to really bad, on a regular basis. We are in the midst of a medication change and that can either be challenging or disastrous. This phase of changes has been very difficult for everyone in my family.

I have started listening to Echart Tolle’s “The Power of Now” and have been finding some answers to the questions that Abraham hasn’t really addressed. Pain bodies make so much sense to me and I know I have some active ones, and without a doubt, my husband is almost exclusively living in them.

In the introduction of The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle describes how he was feeling before he had is transformation.

One night not long after my twenty-ninth birthday, I woke up in the early hours with a feeling of absolute dread. I had woken up with such a feeling many times before, but this time it was more intense than it had ever been. The silence of the night, the vague outlines of the furniture in the dark room, the distant noise of a passing train — everything felt so alien, so hostile, and so utterly meaningless that it created in me a deep loathing of the world. The most loathsome thing of all, however, was my own existence. What was the point in contin­uing to live with this burden of misery? Why carry on with this con­tinuous struggle? I could feel that a deep longing for annihilation, for nonexistence, was now becoming much stronger than the instinctive desire to continue to live.

The Power of Now - pg 1

My husband is in this place more often than he cares to admit. This issue is one that I have been actively using EFT with for a long time. I have come to a place where the emotional charge of what he is going through is not very strong. Yes, do get very sad when I stop and contemplate how this journey may end up for him. I try not to go there very often.

There is life, then there is physical extension of life, and then there is that which is the return to that which is life. There is no death. And so you cannot NOT save a life because a life cannot be squandered, a life cannot be lost. You cannot cease to be. And so you are saying that I should save the sanctity of a physical life experience.

A dear woman had been coming to our gatherings for many years and in time introduced her daughter also, and not long after her daughter took her own life. And her mother, of course, was devastated and then mad at us and at her because she thought that our knowledge of no death had in some way given her daughter permission to take her life in your words and re-emerge into pure positive energy. And as we visited with her, we said to her, we explained what the death experience is and the freedom and well being that her daughter is experiencing and we said in an attempt to soothe her wouldn’t you rather that your daughter is in this place of pure connection to who she is rather than that uncomfortable, painful mindset that she was in before? And her mother said, no! And it really speaks to the way that most humans view this so called sanctity of life. “Yes, I would prefer that you’re here suffering and miserable rather than re-emerged and feeling wonderful. And we really think it’s worth getting your thoughts around. And we know that it’s not the easiest thing to know and understand, and we know that most of the world, as we said to our friend earlier, would not agree with us on this!

Most people really believe that under *all* conditions it’s better, no matter how miserable you are, to stay in this physical body. And we are certainly not promoting suicide, although every death is that you know? Every death is suicide because no one can do anything to you that is outside of your vibrational offering, and your vibrational offering, by way of Law of Attraction is creating everything! And so we think that it’s really one of those things where you do the best you can to express the Joy of life experience through the clarity of your example.

Alaska Cruise 2007

I understand this philosophy and I can, very much, understand my husbands desire to escape from it all. It is hard to imagine the pain and torment that he is going through and living and reliving on a daily basis. My hope, as he travels this path, is that he has the transformation like Echkart Tolle or Byron Katie had. That is a selfish hope, I know, but not totally impossible.

I used to use our children as a tool to make him think about the finality of it all. “I won’t let you screw up their lives like your father screwed up yours”. But I have stopped that. If something happens, our kids will be okay. I will make sure of that. His illness will not be swept under the carpet and hidden away. Our children will know that he is sick and that they are not to blame for anything that may happen due to his illness.

It’s odd. Through all of this, I have come to appreciate the concept of hell, if only for purely selfish reasons. The fear of hell is what is keeping my husband here with me. I will take that bit of hope as a time extender for him to find his way.

My role in all of this is as Abraham says: “do the best you can to express the Joy of life experience through the clarity of your example.” I am still working on that. I am there more often than not. I just need to focus on the fact that I am doing this for myself and not for the potential benefit that my family would have from my connection.

Oh what a river we are all traveling on.