A few years ago, I was in a car with the promoter of one of my performances. He had picked me up at the airport and was driving me to my hotel. On the way, we talked guitars. We got onto the subject of Olson Guitars, arguably the best guitar in the whole world. At one point, the promoter said, “Yea, well, in my entire life I’ll never own an Olson guitar.”

There was a time when I’d let a remark like this slide on by, even adding my own “me either” to the mix.

Now, I can’t. Yoda steps into my head and says, (in his Yoda voice) “So certain are you. Always with you it cannot be done.”

So, I turned to the promoter and said, “You are NOT allowed to say that!”

This is because I know the power of language. When you know that words become things, it’s hard to let language slide.

I can’t help it. I have a rule:

Friends don’t let friends speak crappily.

Language is powerful. Words can create reality. Even if my promoter friend doesn’t know how on earth he’d ever get his guitar, it doesn’t mean he should cut off the possibility with his own words.

If you’re wondering how to begin watching your words, here are 7 practical language principles for becoming a better creator of your life.

1 – Eliminate “never” and “always.”

Never and always are words of hysteria. “I always mess everything up!” “I’ll never figure this out!” “I’ll never get an Olson Guitar.”

First off, it’s not true. If you always messed everything up, you wouldn’t have made it out of the womb.

And second off, extreme words are designed to hook you. It’s just your emotions taking a joyride. You’re more powerful than that.

2 – Use AND instead of BUT.

“But” dismisses the statement before it. “And” includes it. For instance, “That’s a good article, but it needs some editing” isn’t nearly as encouraging as “That’s a good article, AND it needs some editing.”

“I love you, but…” is another great example of the dismissive power of “but.”

3 – Avoid “Should.”

Should is a heinous word for many reasons. It is victim-speak. It disempowers its object. It negates desires, thereby making it harder to make choices. It adds a nebulous energy to the decision making process. Use empowered language instead: “I could…” “I would…” “I am choosing to,” “I would like to,” “I don’t want to,” or “You might consider…”

4 – Stop calling yourself depressed.

Also stop allowing anyone to tell you that you are depressed. When you call yourself “depressed” or “obsessive compulsive” or “ADHD” or whatever – you’re claiming this thing. You’re calling it forth with the most powerful two words in our language: “I am.” That creates very little option for the transformation of this condition.

5 – Delete the word “hate” from your vocabulary.

“Hate” has lots of energy. When you use it, you send lots of energy out into the very thing you “hate.” Even if it’s negative energy, it’s still a powerful force, adding its charge to that thing. You’re also depleting this energy from your own spirit as you say it.

6 – Be “great.” Or “wonderful.”

A disease of the creative temperament is a belief that we must be authentic at all costs. So we can’t answer a simple “How are you?” without delving into an in-depth scan of our emotional temperature.

Try this instead: When people ask you how you’re doing, just say, “I’m great!”

I used to think if I said this, then I better have a good reason for saying it, like I just won the lottery or something. I thought it would make me look suspicious, and people would start to wonder if something was wrong with me. But then I did it. And you know what? Most people don’t care why you’re great. You’re saying it for you.

7 – Pay attention to the music of your speech.

You know how some people? They talk in question marks? And you have no idea why? But it makes you think you shouldn’t really rely on them? And it makes you not want to hire them?

The music of your language says a lot about you. If you let your sentences droop like Eeyore, (”Thanks for noticing me.”) or if you do the uncertain question mark language, take note of what attitudes are causing this. These patterns are created for a reason. Even if it feels like faking it at first, generate confidence as you speak.

Please do! Just be sure to include this complete blurb with it:

Performer, songwriter, and creativity consultant Christine Kane publishes her ‘LiveCreative’ weekly ezine with more than 8,000 subscribers. If you want to be the artist of your life and create authentic and lasting success, you can sign up for a FRE*E subscription to LiveCreative at www.christinekane.com.

WANT TO SEE HUNDREDS MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS ONE?
See Christine’s blog – Be Creative. Be Conscious. Be Courageous – at ChristineKane.com/blog.

How to Survive a Bad Day
by Christine Kane

Let’s face it. No matter how much progress we make, we’re still going to have “bad days.”

You know the ones. When the old critical voices are milling about drinking martinis and eating crab puffs in your head. You try to send them all away with your favorite powerful affirmation, but only a few of them even look up – and one of them turns away and lights a cigarette.

What do you do when no matter what you do, you just feel awful?

Very few success-gurus talk about the bad day, or even the process of following your dreams and the persistence it takes to shift old patterns.

Truth is, sometimes it helps to hear someone be honest about this stuff. Not so that you can indulge in self-pity about how hard you have it. But so that when the bad day strikes, you have some leverage.

So, how do you survive a bad day?

Here’s a few things that might help…

WHAT TO REMEMBER:

1 – The voices do not tell the truth.

They’re just your old voices coming up to feed. Do not feed them. This is what makes them stay. Even if you’re already hooked in, the best way to begin the unhooking is to rest, or to be very kind to you.

2 – This is not who you are.

The voices like to tell you that this depressed person is who you really are and that the rest of the world doesn’t have these same flaws. Not true. This is just a temporary set back. That’s all.

3 – Mochaccinos don’t take the voices away. It just makes them go faster.

Bad Days are not a call to rush out to Starbucks, hoping that if you move faster, it will all go away. If there’s any action that needs to be taken now, it’s probably a nap.

4 – You don’t have to be productive today.

It’s okay to put down your goals and to-dos for one day. You can return to them tomorrow. Today, make it your goal to just get through the day being kind to yourself. Think of it as a sick day. Maybe there’s no PROOF – like a fever. But your insides are sick. Let them heal.

5 – Everything seems worse when you’re tired or hungry.

Eat something yummy. Take a nap. Or go somewhere and sit quietly.

WHAT TO DO:

1 – Stop feeling bad about feeling bad.

If it helps, make today a container. Know that you’re allowed to have this stuff and that nothing horrid is going to happen with this one day of getting thrown off.

2 – Make no decisions.

The late Richard Carlson, author and psychologist, gave this great advice: “Never make decisions when you’re in a low mood.” His belief was that low moods are a natural occurrence and that any low-mood decisions are typically not healthy. Put off all decisions when you’re having a bad day.

3 – Don’t read fashion magazines. Or the news.

4 – Take a 20 minute walk.

Bring a gentle affirmation along with you. On days like this you don’t want to say, “I am master of the universe!!!” On days like this you want to say, “I am loved. I am safe.”

5 – Don’t try to fix yourself today.

No need to rush to the Self-Help section at Borders. Maybe steps you can take toward being healthier in the big picture, but not today. Today, let yourself stop.

6 – Lower your standards.

If you get out of bed, or eat a good healthy meal, be proud. Tomorrow you can have your old high standards back and be productive and evolved and all that. Not today.

7 – Say NO to anything if it’s motivated by the word “should.”

This is a good rule to follow on good days too!

8 – Ask yourself what you feel like doing.

Sometimes the answer to this can be surprising. Maybe you’ll want to begin a fiction audiobook and clean your closet! Maybe you’ll just want a nap.

9 – Don’t do anything destructive.

Don’t overdose on sugar or indulge in alcohol. Don’t call anyone who drains you. It will not make this better.

WHAT TO BE:

Be very, very kind to yourself.

Be the way you would be with someone who is sad or hurting or scared. Because today, you are.

WHAT TO KNOW:

That the victory is not about not having bad days anymore. The victory is that you can get back up after having one.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE?

Please do! Just be sure to include this complete blurb with it:

Performer, songwriter, and creativity consultant Christine Kane publishes
her ‘LiveCreative’ weekly ezine with more than 4,000 subscribers. If you want
to be the artist of your life and create authentic and lasting success,
you can sign up for a FRE*E subscription to LiveCreative at www.christinekane.com.

WANT TO SEE HUNDREDS MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS ONE?
See Christine’s blog – Be Creative. Be Conscious. Be Courageous – at
ChristineKane.com/blog.

Let’s say you had a baby.

Congratulations! Your baby is the best human ever!

You love your baby. You celebrate as it starts to crawl. You and your partner delight in this baby’s every new adventure.

Then, one day, the baby stands up on her own. “Yaaaaay!” you cheer. You clap your hands. The baby smiles and laughs. You think, “Wow. She’s gonna learn how to walk. Isn’t that great?”

One evening, you and your partner are on the carpet playing with your baby. Suddenly, your perfect child stands up again. She braces herself on the coffee table. Your partner grabs the movie camera. You call your parents in Idaho so they can listen to the play-by-play.

Your child lurches forward. You all gasp and hold your collective breath.

Then, CLUNK. She falls onto her butt on the carpet.

“Awwwww,” you say.

“Dang,” your partner says.

“Well, I guess that’s it. This one just wasn’t cut out for walking,” your parents say from their home in Boise.

“Oh well,” you say. “It just wasn’t meant to be. Bummer.”

You hang up the phone. You turn off the camera. You take the baby up to bed. Tomorrow you’ll begin the search for a bigger stroller because your kid’s obviously gonna have to get through life on wheels.

Get the idea?

And yet, how many of us are already acting like this with our plans for the coming year or with our own new beginnings?

Your project, your dream, or your goal is your baby. If we all gave up on our kids as much as we give up on ourselves, then we’d have a race of humans with big calluses on their knees!

The Best Way to Take Action: Baby Steps

Every big project or goal can be broken down into baby steps. Little lurches forward. Sometimes they’re clumsy. Sometimes they don’t even seem to make an impact. But this is how anything gets done.

~ Years and years of built up clutter get sorted and thrown away one drawer at a time. (Plan for 30-minutes a day in one zone of the house – not “Get rid of clutter.”)

~ Years and years of reckless eating and unhealthy habits get shifted one work-out at a time. (Plan a 45-minute work-out 5 days a week, and a once a month visit to an acupuncturist for a year – not “Lose 50 pounds by June.”)

~ A song gets written in fits and starts. Hour by hour. Moment by moment. A flash of an idea. Then an edit. (Schedule in an hour of songwriting time in the morning. Start with scales to warm up. Not “Write Lots of Songs.”)

~ A coach builds her practice one client at a time. (Schedule a daily system for authentic marketing. Not “Get 50 new clients by March.”)

That’s how it works.

Stinks, doesn’t it?

Actually, no.

This is the good news that no one ever tells you.

When you get this concept, you’ll never be afraid of failure again. When you learn how to break a goal down into baby steps, and how to complete something fantastic using this method, then you have the key to doing anything. When you understand that everyone falls down and gets back up again (some of us on an hourly basis!), then you need only to trust in your strength to get back up again.

The only block is your ego.

Your ego wants it to be done now. Your ego wants to move through life risk-free, foolish-free, discouragement-free, mistake-free, tired-free. And the best way to trick your ego (and yourself) into letting go a little bit is to take baby steps.

This week, I’ve been doing one-on-one coaching calls with the people in my Uplevel Your Business Program & Blueprint. These people are the most courageous clients I can imagine having. That’s because they are taking the biggest risk of all. They are taking Baby Steps!

Baby steps take courage. Baby steps are a huge risk to your ego because they are so easy. SO easy! The ego wants big deals, major accomplishments, huge weight-loss, and fast results. In other words, the ego likes adjectives, not nouns. Those adjectives guarantee that you’ll stay stuck and never try anything new. Over time you’ll get that deals, accomplishments, weight-loss, and results feel pretty good — even without adjectives.

Now, try this:

Take a goal you want to accomplish by the end of this year, and ask yourself, “What one baby step could I take every day to complete this goal?” And then (and this is the big challenge) get out your calendar and schedule it in there daily for the rest of 2009.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE?

Please do! Just be sure to include this complete blurb with it:

Performer, songwriter, and creativity consultant Christine Kane publishes
her ‘LiveCreative’ weekly ezine with more than 4,000 subscribers. If you want
to be the artist of your life and create authentic and lasting success,
you can sign up for a FRE*E subscription to LiveCreative at www.christinekane.com.

WANT TO SEE HUNDREDS MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS ONE?
See Christine’s blog – Be Creative. Be Conscious. Be Courageous – at
ChristineKane.com/blog.

The “Been-There-Done-That” Guide to Criticism

“Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember – the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.” – Zig Ziglar

Here’s one thing I’m pretty sure of:

I’m pretty sure you don’t want a “Guide to Criticism.”

In fact, you’d probably prefer a guide called: “How to Avoid Criticism and Ensure that Everybody Loves You Unequivocally til the Day You Die.”

Unfortunately, that guide would also be called: “How to Have a Totally Boring Life.”

Face it. When you play a bigger game, or step into your power – you’ll most likely make some people uncomfortable. Unfortunately, in the face of discomfort, most people don’t look within to find the source of it. They choose, instead, to lash out, criticize, or get cynical. All of us – myself included – have played this game!

That’s because very few of us are taught Personal Responsibility. We are taught, instead, to blame other people for our results, our thoughts, and our emotions. We are taught to react.

The true moment of liberation in anyone’s life is when she takes Personal Responsibility for it. When she starts to ask, “What is it in me that created this, or attracted it? How can I learn from it or turn it around?”

Let’s assume, however, that 90% of the world doesn’t practice this level of empowerment. That means that, most likely, someone will criticize you at some point in your life. And I’m not talking about constructive advice. I mean the harsh stuff. The stuff that hurts – because that’s exactly what it’s designed to do!

So, how do you handle it?

Well, I wish I could be with you the moment it happens. Cuz I’ve “Been-There-Done-That” and gotten the t-shirt! Instead, I’ll send you a virtual hug and give you 7 practices that have worked for me.

1 – Make a decision.

Marla came to my women’s retreat because she was “sick of playing small.” I asked her what Playing Big looks like. A determined look crossed her face, and she said, “…to finally stop caring about what other people think of me.”

If this is you, then it’s time to make a decision. Decide right now that you will no longer live your life contorting your soul in an attempt to prevent criticism or judgment. Start with that one decision.

2 – SWSWSWSW.

Remember this: Some will. Some won’t. So what? Someone’s waiting.

An example:

After one of my big teleseminars, I received an email from someone who didn’t like it. She sent a list of things that was wrong with it. (And me!)

I also received an email from a woman who was literally on her way to end her own life – and upon listening to that same teleseminar in her car, turned around and chose to start over again because of what I said.

This is classic SWSWSWSW. Apply it to your own gifts!

3 – Give yourself space to grieve.

Criticism is designed to hurt. And it often does. If you need some time to cry, then give yourself that gift. Call a friend who will listen.

Do yourself a favor, however, and set a limit. Give yourself til “Tuesday at 5pm.” Or set the timer for 55 minutes. Then, choose to move on. Otherwise, it’s easy to let it eat away at you indefinitely.

4 – Coach yourself.

A great technique that heals the effects of criticism is Brooke Castillo’s Self-Coaching. In her book Self-Coaching 101, she provides fantastic techniques to heal any negative thought pattern. I’ve had great success using her work. You have to actually DO the work though. Get out your journal and write it all down!

5 – It’s not about you.

Criticism is never about you. It’s always about the person doing the criticizing. That might not help when you’re hurting. But it’s nice to be reminded!

6 – Protect yourself.

A university professor told me that there are student websites devoted solely to trashing teachers. Some of his colleagues check these sites everyday.

Don’t do this! Don’t seek out criticism. There are way too many places for victims and snarky people to congregate on the web.

Also, you can hire someone to filter your website email. My team filters all my email now, so that I can stay focused on my writing, my clients and on the good stuff that comes in!

7 – Decide again.

In the face of criticism, the only option is to decide again. Decide to keep shining and living life fully engaged.

Studies have shown that the most common regret among older Americans is of not having taken more risks. Don’t let this be you!

In the awesome words of Marianne Williamson:

“Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.”

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE?

Please do! Just be sure to include this complete blurb with it:

Performer, songwriter, and creativity consultant Christine Kane publishes her ‘LiveCreative’ weekly ezine with more than 4,000 subscribers. If you want to be the artist of your life and create authentic and lasting success, you can sign up for a FRE*E subscription to LiveCreative at www.christinekane.com.

WANT TO SEE HUNDREDS MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS ONE?
See Christine’s blog – Be Creative. Be Conscious. Be Courageous – at ChristineKane.com/blog.