Archive for January, 2008

Yesterday was a phenomenal day. I basically had my Easy button strapped to me.

It started on the way to work. While I was driving I decided to do some future visualization of my future together with Steve. It was really cool. We were spending lots of quality, loving, happy time together adventuring all over the place. I didn’t just think the thoughts but I was feeling them. So much so that I was tearing up with joy. It felt really good. After my 68 seconds or so (actually longer than that) I just decided to find things on the way to work to appreciate. Like the beautiful flowers still blooming away in the middle of winter. The hawks that were floating along on the air currents. The perfectly still ponds with wispy fog coming off of them.

I had gotten myself into a really good place by the time I got to work. That little 20 minute trip to work focusing positively laid the framework of how the rest of my day played out.

My main goal of the morning was to sift through our job applications and send out email interviews. A couple of days ago, I had been searching for the original email I sent out the last time I had to hire a full timer. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find it no matter where I was looking on my computer and in Outlook. When I sat down to rewrite the letter, I went to save the first paragraph and found the original! Yeah, that saved LOTS of time and I was able to send out the letters in just a couple of minutes.

That was easy!

After the letters, I needed to get 1099 sent out to all the people who worked for us on a consultant basis during the year. As always the government likes to make things really complicated. I had so many copies of the forms for each person that I was at the “hair pulling out” stage because I couldn’t figure out what to do with them all! The front door beeped and someone asked for me. Amazingly enough, it was our accountant, on a surprise visit, dropping something off. What looked like something that looked like it would take quite a while to figure out only took about 30 seconds with his help!

That was easy!

I went to see get my does of EFT on Monday with Martha. It was a great visit. I had asked her if she knew of any other practitioners in our area because Steve might be interested in time to visit one. She didn’t know of anyone. The only two around here that I know of, I have gone to. I was feeling that Steve would be a little uncomfortable going to them not knowing what I may have said to them. ( He always assumes the worst! LOL ) I left feeling so much better. On Tuesday, I got a great email from Carol Look. I went nosing around her site (great site by the way ) I found a link to a listing of EFT practitioners that I hadn’t seen before. This one listed EFT practitioners in NC that were not listed on Gary Craig’s site. I was able to pass that on to Steve as an additional resource for him.

Thanks to the universe for seeing my rocket of desire and sending me the information I was looking for!

That was easy!

We have been looking for a sitter so Steve and I can go out and spend some quality time together. I put an ad on SitterCity and had quite a response. One of the gals there said something that tweaked my interest. She described what she did in her spare time out of college and I found out, after some questioning, that she is a sorority sister with a sitter we used to have who the kids absolutely adored. The kids begged for her to some by for a visit to make sure we were a good fit. She came over last night and the kids LOVED her! She seems really friendly and attentive to the kids. She is coming back on Friday for a much needed night out!

That was easy!

I fully attribute the flow of the day to starting it out on the right foot. It was really a go with the flow type day and things just sort of came to me. I guess I was in an allowing state of mind after spending some time focusing and appreciating. I will definitely be making a concerted effort to start my days out like that on a more regular basis.

How appropriate considering my recent posts! How simple it all sounds!

“Why is it taking me so long to get I want?”

It is not because you are not intelligent enough or worthy enough.

The only reason you have not already gotten what you desire is because you are holding yourself in a vibrational pattern that does not match the vibration of your desire.

Abraham-Hicks Perpetual Flip Calendar - January 14th.

It’s amazing what writing your issues out can do for you.

I woke up the next morning to still feeling awful about the whole situation. On top of that feeling, I was feeling an urgency to get the issue under control before I started manifesting physical symptoms of illness. I know, without a doubt, due to seeing it happen repeatedly, that any illness I get is in direct relationship to how much paddling up river I am doing.

On top of the illness that I was in the process of creating, how I was focusing didn’t feel good. Point Blank. I didn’t feel good about how I was focusing. Abraham’s teachings helped me learn that if it feels good, it is, and if it doesn’t feel good, then it isn’t good.

If it feels good to you, you’re in alignment with something you desire. If it feels bad to you, you are not. If it feels good to you, you’re in alignment with something you desire. If it feels bad to you, you are not. Don’t let anybody else’s determination of what is good or bad, mess up your ability to know what’s good and bad.

Excerpted from the workshop in Boca Raton, FL on Saturday, January 27th, 2001

I guess I have finally reached a place in my life where alignment and feeling good are more important than trying to control the situation at hand.

Making it Work (aka the Action Journey)

I found that I was trying to get Steve to change his behavior to make me feel better. Try as I may, or as he may, it never worked well enough to make me feel better for that long. “If only he would do xyz then I would feel better about this situation I have no control over.” I have found, over time, that it is a futile journey. I have no control over what others do. To rely on them to jump through my hoops in order for me to claim my happiness is creating a situation that is doomed to failure. My happiness is MY responsibility, not someone else’s.

You are born with this magnificent emotional guidance system because your emotions tell you your vibrational content. Many people do not understand the purpose, or the power, or importance of their emotions and so, they do not seek to do anything about the way they feel. They have come to accept in many cases, in fact we would say in most cases, that the way I feel in my human body is a byproduct of the conditions that surround me, so good conditions make me feel good, but not good conditions make me feel bad. And so then most humans set out in an erroneous, ineffective, inefficient, impossible endeavor to control conditions. It’s hopeless. First of all, the majority of conditions that exist are not even any of your business. You have no creative power within them. And second, even if they were your business, you can’t control them. It is a futile endeavor. Your work IS about controlling the way you feel which means you are controlling the way you vibrate and when you control the way you vibrate, you are controlling your vibrational output, and when you are controlling your vibrational output, then you can control - you are matching up with your own desire. But until then, you truly are powerless and we can understand why there is frustration in that experience. But of course, when you come to understand that you can control your mood, you can control your attitude, you can control the way you feel, because you CAN control that which you give your attention to. You CAN control you focus. When you discover that you can control your focus, then you discover you are the creative molder or honer of energy.

Abraham - Monterrey, CA 8/21/01

Residual Vibrations

I know Steve is in my vibrational escrow. I created him and the magnificent life that I wanted long before it actually happened. I was in his escrow as a wonderful outcome as well. What seems to creep up, every so often, are residual vibrations. Along with the massive amount of wonderful stuff, there are a vibrational connection on issues that I have been carrying around with me for a very long time.

The PTSD, and the way it makes him feel, triggers those negative vibrations that are foundational vibrations that were laid by my early family life.

I can now see that this is the case and know what I have to do in order to try and resolve these vibrational issues. EFT has helped me come a VERY long way in regaining my conscious connection to source. I have no doubt that I will move this vibration to a better place.

So it’s fun for us to watch people get hold of this idea of finding relief, finding relief, finding relief because when your intent is to feel good no matter what the subject is that moves through your mind … so subject after subject, you just find the best feeling thought about it that you can find. Before you know it because of all this different variety of subjects, you’ve cleaned up these core issues that you’ve been carrying around for a while. And then you are finally this loving being who feels invincible.

Abraham-Hicks, San Francisco 2.24.07A

Ahhhh, yes, that feeling of relief is wonderful. I am well on my way to feeling invincible.

Vibrationally Lining Up With What I Want

The cool thing about how this is all unfolding is that I am acutely aware of when I am not feeling good about something. In the past, I would adopt an Eeyore-ish point of view, accepting the bad as just an unfortunate side effect of being alive. The teachings of Abraham have helped me realize that I am not a victim of life, but rather the creator of my life. Wow. I have all that power?? Really? Wow! I DO have all that power!!

Stepping back, I can see the journey I have taken regarding the PTSD. I can see how it has helped me become clearer about what I want in life. Now it is time to focus just on what I want instead of the “what is” of the current situation.

I was able to sit down and talk with Steve regarding our relationship. I know my feelings are my responsibility. I know he is still in my vibrational escrow, as he is now and what he is to become. I am determined to line up my vibrations on what it is I want. I am looking towards a happy, healthy future. We will be able to grow old, happily, together. Ahhh, what a wonderful reality. Instead of looking at what is, I am consciously choosing to look to the future I want, even when it isn’t apparent in the now.

Abraham talks about when you have a choice, you need to line up with the choice. If you stay, line up with that decision. If you want to leave, line up with that decision. There is no right or wrong decision. Every decision is right as long as you line up with it. Don’t leave and then second guess the decision. Don’t stay and lament your situation. Make the decision and then move on joyously in your decision.

My decision is to love him through the eyes of source, knowing that he is on a journey to a much better feeling place. I know he will make it through. I don’t have to show him how to get there. Just staying connected to source, and seeing him through the eyes of source, will be a beacon to draw him closer and closer to where he is trying to go. We will have many joy filled years to explore and grow together. And I so appreciate that. My main intent is to focus on the whole, loving, beings we intended to be. I believe, with all that I am, that we will make it through - together.

*sigh* I had hoped that the red wine I consumed this evening (just over 2 large glasses - yes, I am a drinking light weight now a days) would push me off into quick sleep, but, alas, this is not the case. My mind kept going even though I really just wanted to forget what is going on in my life now-a-days. My husband decided to retire early, at the same time as me, and his med induced sleep had him out in less than a minute and snoring gently away. Snore, think, snore, think, dammit all. LOL and here I am, after dragging my butt out of bed, typing my thoughts away in hopes that I will be able to sleep once they are finally expressed.

I am at odds with myself and my knowledge of what Abraham teaches and what I know about the law of attraction. I am certain that this is a temporary contrast filled stage of my experience, but, really, I would just like to know what the answers to all my questions are.

Abraham makes it all sound so easy. Focus on what you want and it will come to you. For me, I am experiencing contrast that is truly not what I want in my life. A husband that is currently unavailable to me with PTSD. He is in a numb zombie-ish place and, in the process, I feel the need to become numb myself, in regards to our relationship, in order to deal with it all. I guess it is my expectations that I want a marriage to be a partnership that I am currently at odds with. I know that there are two perspectives for every circumstance, but I REALLY want to feel part of a partnership with my husband so I am having a hard time looking to the positive aspects of the situation at the moment. I am currently feeling like a roommate and that is not boding well with my want right now. I am working my way up the emotional scale slowly and find myself doing the zig zag from pissed off to helpless and in despair in regards to this issue. It is really a sucky place to be. I am allowing myself to be where I am, but I am not sure how to shift the thoughts to make myself feel better about the situation. I am having issues with seeing the situation okay the way it is. He needs to change his circumstances, at the current moment, in order for me to feel better. That IS NOT the way it is supposed to go. I need to be happy no matter what is going on, but it just isn’t happening at the moment and I am not feeling my way there right now.

It is all so complicated. I truly want to be able to view it all as source does. It would all be so much easier, but I am human, with the baggage that I carry with me that taints things. Monday can’t come fast enough for me. I have an appointment with Martha and I am hoping that, with the help of EFT, I will be able to work through this to a better place. It has really worked for me in the past, so I am hoping that it works for me again now.

Why write about this at all? I know this little post is only cementing the current circumstance for a while, but I want to let people out there know that it is okay to be human. We all have our ups and downs. So many of the LOA posters out there post with all positive outlooks. You can be human and do the positive / negative viewpoint thing and still succeed in what you want in life. I am mostly positive. This negative slide will not throw me totally off the LOA “what I want in life” track. I know, with all my heart, that in the end, everything will be okay. It always is. I would never had made it this far, if that was not the case. I guess I just want it to be less contrast filled in this part of my life. I hope that I find my way soon, because I don’t like feeling this way.